All My Bags Are Packed, I'm Ready To Go. My Fearful Adventure Awaits.

My birthday is 09/11.

It all started then. It’s kind of funny for a woman who earned her first wings at the tender age of 8 or 9 to have anxiety on a plane, especially since I often fly coast to coast.

Why the fear of flying? 
Because in the past year, I have lost the two people I was closest to the most and I almost lost a third. Although I witnessed death firsthand (and it wasn’t as scary as I thought it’d be), I fear when my time will come.

Will all the items on the bucket list be crossed off?
Will I have made an impact?
Will I be alone or surrounded by those I love?
Will I have seen the Eiffel Tower?

Because there is “work to be done.”
I am a solopreneur and stepping away from the screen to go on vacation seems like a luxury sometimes. Don’t get me wrong. I step away to go to yoga class, I definitely get my nails done. Heck, sometimes, I even drive a car! In all seriousness, I have a fear of failing at my business because I am needed and depended upon, because I am the only one running it. It's scary and stressful and damn liberating at the same time.

Why the Eiffel Tower?
This is where the story gets good.
There are a lot of things I love in life—my family, my work (did I mention I’m a workaholic), my lifestyle, my freedom.

But I have not loved love. 

Not in the way my maternal grandparents did. 67 years, 3 kids, 5 grandkids. And the “til death do us part”---that was even true.

My grandparents were jewelers and as their granddaughter, they would often say to me in their thick, Armenian accents, “Jaclyn, why you come with no ring?” “When you are going to get married?”

And all I could say was that I refused to settle. I refused to grab the next person who came along to satisfy societal pressures or statistics. I wanted what THEY had. True love, real love, partnership, respect.

When I think of Paris, I think of love. And macaroons. And more love.

Perhaps as I examine it, I wouldn’t go to Paris. Perhaps I’d go to Bucharest, Romania--the city where my grandfather first laid eyes on my grandmother, the city where he followed her home after a soccer game to speak to her parents because he knew, upon first glance, she’d be his wife.

Bucharest was the city where my grandparents once lived lavishly and had a television. Their parents had immigrated to Bucharest and Constanza, Romania to escape Armenian persecution. Bucharest was the city my mother was born in. It was the city my mother, uncle and grandparents had to leave behind to come to America because of comunism.

They left it all, just like their ancestors had done, they started all over again and again and again. Onto Greece, then Lebanon, then Israel and finally to New York City. They even left their egos behind because survival meant that much. Well off one day, immigrants the next. It didn't matter that they were lacking in food, clothing or shelter because their love was that abundant.

Perhaps as I examine it, that’s my fear. Not taking ENOUGH risks. Not having ENOUGH faith and not having ENOUGH love.

Through several immigrations, challenges and happy times, love was the only constant that helped my grandparents survive.

And love is what we gave them as they departed on the journey to their very last destination.

I held my grandmother’s hand as she took her very last breath.
There was no boarding pass, no foreign language to learn.
There was only love, the most intense love I have ever felt in my life.
I didn't need souvenirs or post cards to remember the memories. I had them all in my heart, forever. 

Three and a half weeks later, my grandfather was headed to the same destination. He wanted to be with her. That’s where he belonged—no matter what country, what city, what language, what landmark.

Her heart was his favorite destination in the world.

And my fear is that I won’t live up to that, that I won’t get to carry on their legacy or retrace my roots or explore the city where they fell in love and started their life as husband and wife. My fear is that I won't get to have a family or love someone THAT much....so much so that I couldn't live without them.

My fear is that this fear of flying more than 5+ hours will prohibit me from roaming the streets of Paris or Romania or even Lebanon for that matter.

I know I can't live my life behind a computer screen. I know I can't be satisfied with Instagram photos or Google images of other people's adventures. My grandparents used to cruise around the world and I have wanderlust just like them! And I need to explore, I need to see what they saw, I need to fall in love with another part of the world, I need to retrace their footsteps and remember why I am even an entrepreneur in the first place, to carry on their legacy. 

Inevitably, I will get on a plane in two weeks, I will get on a plane in 6 months. But each and everytime, I will be looking out the window then staring at the interactive map on display, wishing, praying and hoping we get rerouted. I will be thinking of my grandparents and how no boarding pass in the world can bring us to meet.

And I will think of LOVE. And that, somewhere roaming the streets of Paris or Bucharest or New York City for that matter, my match is out there. And that they, my grandparents, will have a hand in our worlds colliding.

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This post is part of the My Fearful Adventure series, which is celebrating the launch of Torre DeRoche’s debut book Love with a Chance of Drowning, a true adventure story about one girl’s leap into the deep end of her fears.
"Wow, what a book. Exciting. Dramatic. Honest. Torre DeRoche is an author to follow." Australian Associated Press
"… a story about conquering the fears that keep you from living your dreams." Nomadicmatt.com
"In her debut, DeRoche has penned such a beautiful, thrilling story you’ll have to remind yourself it’s not fiction." Courier Mail
Find out more…

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Business Breakups: How They Help You Develop The Ultimate Hustle Muscle

Business relationships. 

Boss to employee. 

Colleague to colleague. 

Entrepreneur to client.

Business relationships can often be as complicated as romantic relationships especially when it's time to breakup. On the plus side, unlike romantic relationships, business breakups are the kind of breakup where you can often really, truly see that things are no longer meant to be. Each party has grown and gained the most that they can from the relationship and staying together won't serve either parties goals.

My first business breakup was with my old boss at an HR consulting company. This boss was a mentor to me and man oh man, was he tough at times. His famous line was: “You’re only as good as your last sale.” 

Back then, at the tender raw age of 23-24, those words were really hard to manage. 

I would often think to myself, "I just busted my rump and jumped through hoops to close this deal. Can't I revel in it for a few moments and celebrate the experience?"

In retrospect now, what he really meant was “Keep hustling. Keep chasing. Don’t ever get too comfortable or settle for less. There is always another opportunity out there so get off your ass and go grab it.” 

I was so torn at the notion of leaving that company. I had it made in terms of telecommuting, traveling, earning commission but I hit a creativity ceiling. The inner artist in me had died and it was time to bring her back to life. To this day, I remember the lesson and have even reframed it to: "Since your last sale was so good, your next sale can be even better!"

The next business break up that followed nearly crushed me! I was consulting for a close friend. At the time, I was a pretty stubborn personality when it came to business since I was so used to doing business a certain way. What I didn’t realize back then (and my friend totally did) was the power of the upsell, the power of selling both a product and a service. I also didn't realize that there are a variety of different ways to achieve success in business and rather than maintaining a position that "I knew it all", that I could lose the ego and truly approach each and every business transaction with an air of "how can I learn to do things differently? To do things better? How can I learn to evolve in business?"

That business break up was by far one of the most difficult. We had mixed business with friendship and there were a lot of boundaries that were blended, out of care! You start sharing opinions, you get into money stories, other friends get involved in the mix and then things just turn into a pressure cooker! The one thing I truly treasure about the experience is that she always (and probably still does to this day) went to work with a smile! She was so good at what she did, she had such a positive energy about her always. Lesson learned: be open to learning new ways of doing things. YOU DON'T AND WON'T EVER KNOW EVERYTHING! Also, if you aren't waking up with a huge smile on your face everyday when it comes to your job, you need a business breakup pronto! 

Professionally, things were great for a few years. The business breakups were minimized. Then last fall came another one. 

As an entrepreneur working with entrepreneurs, you can’t help but get involved and feel like you are a part of your clients company’s and a part of your clients journey. You can feel their joy and their pain which makes moving on even more difficult. 

That said, I had never made it a secret to this client, or to anyone for that matter, that I wanted to launch Startups and Stilettos™, especially as I was completing Marie Forleo's B-school program. My energy shifted, my model was shifting and I no longer wanted to be so consumed with certain day to day social media tasks. My client needed more from me than I had the bandwith to give. That, and her vision had grown. She was pouring herself into her business and needed people who could do the same. 

I looked at her commitment to her brand and company and realized I needed to put that same kind of hustle muscle into my business. The time finally came when my client and I parted ways amicably at one of the tipping points in their business. I was ready to move on, to wish her well and to look ahead but I was so shocked by the tears that came up when we finally said goodbye. 

I had genuinely worked as hard as I could and got things to a point where I had to let go to meet my goals. But it wasn't easy especially when she did thank me for my hard work on taking them to the next level of her brands social media. The journey between us was over and it was very VERY, VERY bittersweet. I am so thankful for that experience particularly for the fact that we both understood we wanted and needed two different things. Lesson learned from this business breakup: it's never going to be easy to walk away. But if you want to move onto bigger and better opportunities, if you want to truly find your destiny, you have to listen to that inner guidance telling you to go! Don't ignore it or you may find yourself unhappy, angry, stagnant and just missing out on all that life has in store for you. 

Now what does all of this advice have to do with YOU?

Is there a job you need to move on from? 

Do you have a client that isn't complimenting your business model anymore? 

Are you ready to break up with corporate america and venture out on your own?

Stop putting it off and do it now. 

Your business breakups aren’t going to be any better than real life break ups. But perhaps they can teach us a lesson or two about love and loss. 

There are plenty of fish in the sea. 

There are plenty of oysters to open and find your pearl. 

Take the beauty in each and every single situation, personal or professional. 

As my close friend (and mediator) Suzanne Schwartz says, "Don’t get bitter, get better!" 

Better as a business person, better as an individual, better as an entrepreneur. Clean slate. 

Maybe my old boss was right in saying "You’re only as good as your last sale!" 

It's a new day and there are plenty of opportunities worth cultivating. Get that hustle muscle going! And trust that the best has yet to come. Let the past go with a grace and ease knowing that you can't even fathom all the success awaiting you on the horizon. And remember, "Since your last sale was so good, your next sale can be even better!"

Do you need some support to help you through your business breakup? Jump on over to Facebook.com/jaclynmullenmedia, say hello and we will gladly offer you any tips or advice as you transition during this time. 

It’s a "Human" Thing: What We Give We Will Get Back In Business

It was a busy Friday. There was nothing “chillax” about the end of the week. 

My to-do list had been surmounting: the resulting of splitting energy and focus between a personal family matter and my professional commitments. The week had been a roller coaster. There were moments of complete satisfaction met with moments of stress—pleading with people on the phone, pondering futuristic thoughts and trying to dodge my involvement in a matter that had nothing and yet everything to do with me. My anxiety level was through the roof.

And then, I discovered it. (I often joke that I am a marketing MacGayver but apparently I am any-life-situation-you-can-throw-at-me-MacGyver). There was a transaction that had gone wrong. I had the best of intentions but I made a slight boo boo and I had to fix it. Only rather than being able to fix it right away (within a day), it would take me 5 days of stressing and worry.

My old boss used to drill in my head, "numbers don’t lie." 

No they don’t, especially if you have the wrong number’s for a direct deposit. To fix things, I start calling, tracking down the money, trying to redirect it. I'm told to "send a fax" and quip to myself, "who the hell sends a fax anymore?" 

Every single day last week, I was calling, calling, calling someone, somewhere. There were operator number’s, delays, compliance. All this "human to human", phone contact can be overwhelming for an online entrepreneur. I was waiting on someone in all day meeting. Of course I laugh some more. "Who attends ALL DAY meetings anymore? Shouldn't this woman be on her computer screen?"

Flash forward to snail mail saving the day. I have a check overnighted to me. It comes, and my faith in humanity is restored thanks to USPS. But my excitement is short lived. The check is rendered to the wrong party. I'm told not to worry, that my big bank will save me.

Only I show up after calling customer service (which says I will have no problem), and the first person I encounter at the branch says they can’t help me. And I panic. And I plead. And then I meet Sue.* 

I explain, I emphasize, I stress to her that this is my fault which is why it has to be fixed. I don’t screw up ANYTHING for my clients, I refuse to screw up for my family. 

Apparently Sue* is a higher level manager than the first woman I encountered. Sue* doesn’t have all the answers yet but she doesn’t turn me away either. We sit down at her desk. I am in a busy branch of the bank off Sunset Blvd. And all of the sudden, it just comes over me. I start to cry. No sobs, no weeping. Just endless tears rolling down my face followed by my body shaking. A part of me is in shock that I started letting it out in a freaking Bank of America of all places. This was the very place people picketed, it's not a therapist's office--IT'S A BANK! 

Sue* doesn’t look at me like I have three heads, she doesn’t say, “Get a grip. This is Bank of America and we don't care about YOUR problem. In case you haven't read the news, we have a ton of customers with challenges.” 

Instead, with the most respect and dignity, she hands me a tissue and says she will be right back. She retrives a bottle of water for me. And then, she proceeds to solve my problem. Big business with small business, not big business vs small business. 

She gets it. 

I am a human being. She is a human being. 

I am struggling and I need help. 

This is what business is all about--being of service, solving problems, supporting one another in our day to day lives. 

It’s not a business thing, it’s a human thing! I wasn't just a dollar sign, Sue* would not stop, she would not be satisfied, until I had a solution and felt better. She went far above and beyond what a damn job training manual instructed her to do. 

I could not stop thanking her for her compassion. I asked for a supervisor or the name of someone to send a letter of recognition to and she declined and simply said, “I’m just happy I could help you.” 

We should ALL be so lucky to do the same for our customers. 

Do the same for them. Do the same. 

There was no glory, no big pay out or a plaque in Sue's* honor. There was one simple gesture bestowed upon me in a time where I needed it most. And it was enough to remind me that it’s not about big vs small, or neighbor vs neighbor or return on investment. If you always strive to give and help and truly pull people up in business, you will get that same respect and honor bestowed upon you when you least expect it but very much so need it.

*name has been changed for the story.

Like this story? Feel free to share it! And for more adventures in entrepreneurship, hop on over to Facebook.com/jaclynmullenmedia or send me a Tweet @jaclynmullen You can even join me on Instagram. 

What's Keeping Your Soul Sewn Together?

The long black dress. Not little. Not formal. Simple, black cotton. First spotted in Midtown Manhattan near Grand Central Station. I had been walking for about 40 plus blocks and stopped just beyond the New York Public Library. (The one where Carrie gets stood up by Big on her wedding day).

I noticed my reflection in the window first. I looked tired, worn out and yet, energized by the city. Next, I saw the window displays with beautiful clothes--summer outfits adorned with bags worn by mannequins with awkward poses. That's when the long black dress caught my eye. There was a sign in the window, $12.00. The store was H&M.

It had been nearly 5 months since I made the decision to be bi-coastal. With that decision came two rents, my recurring car payment back in LA, subway fares, groceries double the price. Living between two cities wasn’t a matter of budgeting, it was a matter of sacrificing. And that long, black $12.00 dress was tapping into my temptation bone. I justified all the places I could wear it. “Black goes with everything.” It wasn’t so much the $12.00 I was resisting. I had learned a new responsibility about discipline, sacrifice and money and I didn’t want to throw those lessons down the drain with one impulsive purchase. Just then, my inner lawyer started another side of the debate.

It’s $12.00. 

You have been working SO HARD. 

For crying out loud, you are walking from 14^th street to 71^st to save on subway fare! 

You’ve been eating peanut butter and jelly for dinner for a week. 

Go ahead, get the dress. You won’t regret it.

I was in and out of the H&M store in a flash, long black dress in tow. As my imagination served correct, I would wear the long black dress the very next day. It made me feel ultra feminine and slight hipster. 

A few months later, I would wear the dress on top of a peak in the British Virgin Islands for a Goddess Circle with a powerful intuitive and amazing group of women. I would then wear the dress to Florida to visit my grandparents. And that’s when my $12.00 treasure almost went to the long black dress graveyard.

We’ve all heard the term you pay for what you get so my long black cotton dress, through it’s physical trips and travels and those trips to the washing machine, had started to come undone. Actually, it was one of the straps that held the dress up. It was clearly becoming unattached and I panicked. I already had enough challenges with trying to grow a business and make it in two cities--I certainly didn't need to flash anyone. 

Just then, I remembered, “Hey, my grandmother used to sow. I am here with her now, perhaps she can help me.”

My grandmother was 81 years old. Aging had made her very depressed and sad at the loss of her independence. 

I will never forget the smile on her face the morning we sat at the breakfast table chatting. Inspired by my BVI trip, I was playing UB40's cover of "Can't Help Falling In Love With You." My aunt had come in with the long black dress and asked my grandmother in Armenian to sow it for me. I don’t speak Armenian, and my grandmother was aware of the fact. Perhaps my aunt asked her in Armenian in case she declined. Maybe she’d be embarrassed. Within a few minutes, she had her sewing kit out. That's when the huge smile grew across her face and an even larger smile grew on mine.

My grandmother wasn’t just sewing my strap back together. She was leaving me with her touch, always, right there to the left of my heart, always within reach anytime I looked at or would wear my long black dress.

I don’t believe I had the long black dress packed with me on March 8^th, 2012, when my grandmother died. It’s hard to recall that period in time, and what I was wearing. Similar to how I had felt that day on the corner of a busy street in Manhattan, I knew the time would be another lesson in responsibility, sacrifice and discipline.

Almost a year after that, April 19^th, 2013, I stared at the long black dress hanging on a door seam. My father had been in the hospital for over a week and I would wear the dress to feel my grandmother's spirit with me, to feel her strength, to remember her smile through yet another difficult time. Only the responsibility and discipline were far greater. 

I would have never known, some 3 years prior, that this darn $12.00 dress would become a metaphor for life. For learning how to treat yourself to something you want, for rewarding yourself for defying the need for daily instant gratification. For remembering that even as people pass, their imprints on our soul, the lessons they’ve instilled in us, the morals they have left behind, do not.

So, I hope every single one of you that reads this finds that one possession or two in your closet or jewelry box. The one that most people think or assume serves you on a materialistic level. But it’s that one piece or possession that reminds you how far you've come and that you deserve to be rewarded. To be strong yet nurturing. To be able to sacrifice and also learn to acknowledge ourselves in the same instance.

To long black dresses, to little black dresses, to rewarding discipline, hard work and sacrifice and last but not least, to keeping our souls sewn together no matter what may happen in life.

What's keeping your soul sewn together? 

Want to keep up with my adventures in entrepreneurship? Looking for a little advice on marketing, mentorship and making it happen for yourself? Perhaps you just need a little nudge to create content, connections and communications. I welcome one, I welcome all. So come on over and join me at Facebook.com/jaclynmullenmedia

The Priority of Pressure

I’m tired. It’s only Tuesday. There are 1,000 other things on my mind aside from blogging.

How many emails do I still have to answer?

I need to revise and update those two reports.

My throat hurts.

I’m still jet lagged.

And this, well this is the loudest “thing” I keep hearing over and over and over.

Why do I feel like I’ve hit a plateau? Who am I right now?

Because, sometimes in entrepreneurship, other things take precedence. Because sometimes we are doing enough to propel us forward.

Because maintenance in entrepreneurship vs “being in full throttle mode 24/7” is better than burning out, not having any clarity and closing the doors on your business as fast as they opened.

The pressure is good for you.

That’s the cliché. And while that may be true to varying degrees, the pressure can also prevent you from clear, concise actions. The pressure can prevent you from accepting that every great leader was once where you are today.

Trying.

Tired.

Stuck.

Questioning themselves.

Learning as they go.

Confused on how or if they are ever going to get “there.”

And when you reach that point of being pulled in 327 directions, that point where you are feeling as though you are in the exorcist and your head is spinning and you want to walk away from the keyboard and screen guess what you are supposed to do to survive? The very next item on your to-do list.

That’s right. You read correctly.

Quitting, walking away and stalling won’t serve you any good. So, even though it may be a challenge, even though you may be in need of space and a break (things I recommend you give yourself) just look at the next item on your to-do list—be it blogging, emailing a prospect, finishing a report, paying a bill—and push yourself to power through.

The pressure is good for you when you know how to push past your resistance and stretch just a few more feet than you were willing to do before. The pressure is not good for you when you allow it to shrink you down to size, to compare your path, brand, messaging, you name it to everyone else’s, to not allow you anytime whatsoever to process and grow.

Photo credit: Brittney Castro, www.financiallywisewomen.com 

No athlete, major or minor league, sets out to maintain the same record. There is always the pursuit of achieving just a little more than the prior accomplishment (due to pressure) and then, well then there is rest and recovery.

Some weeks, you just gotta stop pushing, forcing, focusing, examining and worrying that you are never going to get "there" and really surrender to the idea (although you may not agree or like it one bit) that you are EXACTLY where you’re supposed to be. 

Signing off to practice what I preach this Tuesday night,

The Jaclyn of All Trades 

Looking for a little more motivation? Jump on over here: www.facebook.com/jaclynmullenmedia

Back With A Blogging Vengeance

It’s been at least six months since I last posted to my blog and for good reason. September of 2012 was one of the busiest months for my business, Jaclyn Mullen Media! After nearly two years of hard work, extreme focus and a passion for digital media, my efforts were starting to pay off. I found my dream office in a modern building overlooking the Hollywood Hills off Sunset Blvd. I had an employee and an intern assisting me with my client work load and the clients--they were phenomenal. The creative energy was flowing and I couldn’t have been happier. And that’s when it all came crashing down like a stack of Jenga blocks.

You see, in early October 2012, I got some pretty crushing news regarding a personal matter. Don’t worry, it didn’t have to do with me or my business. Everything there was on the "up and up." For now, I choose to keep the news I received private. But let’s just say me, my ego and my emotions learned very quickly that entrepreneurs aren’t super heroes. Although we entrepreneurs may not like to admit it or think it, we are just like everybody else when it comes to playing the hand of cards that life will deal us even if that hand backs us into a corner.

For the first time since I launched my business nearly three years ago, everything and I mean everything shifted. 

• I didn’t care about my sales goals or about blogging. 
• I had to begin the process of canceling the office lease. 
• I put my entrepreneur skills to use, dealing with the situation at hand. 
• And I immediately got Life Lesson 101 in entrepreneurship which was even though your business can be your passion, even though you can have such a wild love affair with it, you better know when to walk away and take a break and shift your passion and focus to things that will be there for you whether you make it in business or not—such as your family and friends.

Between November 2012 and January 2013, there were so many moments where I didn’t know how I’d get my business back on the "dream" track. Other matters took precedent and rightfully so. 

The irony in my situation was that I had always hoped entrepreneurship would yield me luxury, wealth and affluence. What I learned was I was blessed with luxury, wealth and affluence in my ability to work remotely, to travel as I needed, to be calm, level headed and logical.

Thankfully, 2013 has started off on a much better note. The Jaclyn Mullen Media client roster is full (Popzazz.com, Sneaky Pete’s Beverage, Mulberry Street Pizzeria and more), I am going through my second go round of Marie Forleo’s B-school and I’ve learned so much looking back on the last 5 years of my life that I can’t help but want to flash forward to the future.

So that’s it. My quick, brief update just to fill you in and say hello, bon jour, hola. To say, sometimes life is going to throw us a situation that we may perceive to be a curveball. And it’s going to be really difficult to stretch, to run, to contort your body and spirit however you can to catch the darn thing. Sometimes, unbeknownst to us, we  just need to rapidly release a lot of the things surrounding us—ideals, people, even opportunities.

And it’s totally ok to take your “time out.” 

To sit back and say, “How did this just happen and why?” 

But don’t sit on the sideline for too long. Look for the lesson in your circumstances, treasure the lesson and then, come back with a vengeance. 

My lesson had to do with priorities, with gratitude, with family. Only you will know the meaning and value of yours. Uncover your hands from your eyes, stop looking back and wondering why things occurred the way they did in the past and take whatever action you can today to make your future different. Let Superman keep his kryptonite. The human spirit and it’s resiliency is the best super power one could ever have and don’t you forget it!

Curious to know what blog post I’ve got in store for you next? Which would you prefer: The Concept of Release and Surrender As It Pertains to Business OR Facing The Fear of The Solopreneur Ship? Your call. Post your preference in the comments below.

AND if you haven’t done so already, feel free to join me and 343 amazing people in the Jaclyn Mullen Facebook community. We talk marketing, making it yourself (be it your brand, business, art, you choose) and mentorship. Facebook.com/jaclynmullenmedia

Or if you’re bored and looking for something fun to do, join me in my adventures as a solopreneur bootstrapping my business, saving the world and still making time for the spa. Your boarding pass awaits at Instgram.com/JaclynMullen